Model Citizenship

Model-Log; January 15, 2008:

So the new year is well underway - and with it, the hundreds of wishful resolutions destined for obscurity…Now, far be it for me to dash the hopes of the would be “resolutionist” - but some personal promises just have no chance…

Now that the teaser is before you, humor me and answer a quick question: Where do New Year’s resolutions go to die? If you answered the refrigerator, you are almost correct. If you answered the gym, light up a cigar, sit in your favorite chair and relish in your correctness!

January is by far the worst month to go to the gym - Thousands of people somehow convince themselves that this year will be different - they are finally going to get into shape. Unfortunately, amidst their unbridled enthusiasm, they neglect to read-in on a few basic ground rules for gym attendance. Now, I am by no means any type of gym monger, but I do believe there are a few guidelines one should persevere to follow:

1. Choose activities within your means
   • Don’t attempt the 300 lb bench press when you’re only good for a buck twenty-five
   • Don’t use the pool if you can’t swim - you get the picture
2. Choose the proper attire - enough said
3. Leave the cell phone in the car
4. Bring a towel - and use it when you finish with a piece of equipment.

These are a few of the important ones, be that as it may - I have another that should be expanded on…

As I prepared to begin my workout (today was cardio-day - 5 miles on the mill) everything seemed quite normal. The TVs were tuned into the usual shows, many familiar faces roamed the gym - in the midst of their normal routines. Crossing the threshold of the first mile, I steadied my pace and fixed my breathing - 1 down and 4 to go…

It’s always a crap shoot when the person next to you leaves the machine. You just never know what you are going to get…you might find a pleasant, peaceful walker; a mild jogger, or the 5-minute warm-up. So, what did I find on this evening? As the guy stepped onto the treadmill, he draped his backpack over the front corner of the machine - literally hanging over the handrail on my machine to do so. Ok, no worries, right? Surely this minor infraction would not deter an otherwise good workout…

I had never seen this guy in the gym before - no doubt a new-comer taking a stab at resolution infamy! As he began his workout, I noted a faint smell that began to grow stronger with every step this guy took. No this wasn’t body oder, or even gas … this was something far worse - something that has no place in a gym - whatsoever… freshly applied cologne (gag!) You know - the stuff that permeates through the air finding it’s way to your personal space, thick enough to capture with a bag, dry it out, and use it as a replacement for oil shale….Now, instead of concentrating on my pace, I am fighting back tears and trying creative ways to filter this intrusive stench from my lungs. Nice cologne there pal, did you have to marinate in it?

So, our final gym rule to mention here will be this:

NEVER APPLY COLOGNE OR PERFUME TO YOUR PERSON BEFORE ENTERING THE GYM! If you have to drown yourself in “eau does it offend” to go to the gym, you have the wrong idea - buy a treadmil and stay at the house (preferably with the windows closed).

Taking steps to improve your health: Model Citizenship

Offending all citizens within a 2 kilometer radius: Not So Model Citizenship!

Thanks for reading…

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