Model Citizenship

Recently, I had the craving for a $6 Burger. I will admit Carl’s Jr. has some fairly decent grinds when it comes to fast food. It’s probably as simple as the fact that the burgers are “charbroiled” instead of flat grilled or fried. In any event, it tastes good and its convenient when you’re pressed for time. It should be noted that I did not state “good for you.” - I am only making the point that in a pinch, you can get a tasty meal.

My story, however, isn’t just about the food - it’s about the operation, the work environment, the inner workings if you will. As I pulled up to the drive-through window, I noticed a sign above many papers hanging on the wall on the other side of the building… While not completely guarded from view it’s placement behind the service counter suggested it was not meant for public view. What was this you ask?

The sign read, “Daily Game Plan”…

Game plan…a term usually reserved for strategic efforts that eventually become known to those who witness the outcome as the “epic battle”, the “major offensive”, or the “game of the century.”

What could Carl’s Jr. possibly have to say to it’s employees that would warrant its own wall and header sign - not to mention the fact that it is a DAILY game plan…like they have enough to say everyday to fill a whole wall! If we were to get a close examination of the wall, we might see things like “cleanliness is key,” “safe food handling,” “customer satisfaction,” and the ever popular “up-selling tips.”

Remember some of those “black-sheep” ad campaigns?

• Paris Hilton Commercial
• “If it doesn’t get all over the place, it doesn’t belong in your face”
• Flat Buns…

They seem to leave a certain impression of the establishment, right? Yet from the standard corporate blathering on their walls (I am guessing this is a standard feature found in all stores) - they are far from the in-your face feed barn they portray themselves to be. So, when you drive up or walk into Carl’s Jr. those images you have in your head from their campaigns go unfulfilled….Instead, you get the standard fast-food service - provided by unenthusiastic “associates” (another misplaced word in the fast food world).

If you take a careful look at every fast food joint, you will notice the same. They all try to differentiate through their advertising:

• Jazzy, hip place for adults (McDonalds)
• An authentic experience in Mexican culture (El Pollo Loco)
• Edgy, anti-establishment house for over indulgence (Carl’s Jr.)
• Grass-roots, old-fashioned burger joint (Wendy’s)
• Innovative food served with a touch of wit (Jack in the Box)

You get the idea… These guys are free to advertise whatever make-believe world they want and then deliver a load of crap! The other day I saw a new ad on TV that started with a grandmother teaching her granddaughter how to make fried chicken “a little patience and some love” was the final instruction in the recipe. The images faded to a slightly more modern time with the same granddaughter bringing a plate of chicken sandwiches outside for her family - and thus, the degradation of the home cooked meal was in full force! The underlying message was that these chicken sandwiches from KFC, McDonalds or wherever were a suitable replacement for a home-cooked meal from Grandma! Seriously!

In similar fashion, why is it we have hammered the likes of Camel for advertising with a cartoon camel, yet we allow fast food to use clowns, jack-in-the -boxes, kids-meals, etc. to advertise their food. Is heart disease from cholesterol not as dangerous as lung disease from smoking. Is obesity and diabetes not as dangerous as emphysema and lung cancer????

In the end it appears the “daily game plan” is to fool all of us and continue to pull the wool over our eyes, tempting us with lies! False advertising leading to the destruction of our health, family values, and parents’ patience as we struggle to fight the clown for our kids’ future eating habits and health - definitely not model citizenship or responsible corporate behavior….

Whew! All that soap-boxing has made me hungry - I’m going to In-N-Out…….

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• Fancy car…check.
• Latest and greatest mobile communication device…check.
• Power tie…check.
• The slightest hint of a “clue”…uhhh…ummm…well, not so much.

My last entry briefly discussed that sickening feeling we all get when a police car pulls in behind you - worse yet, how you feel when the lights actually come on. This installment, I believe, is even worse…

Irvine, CA really has a problem with traffic congestion during the 5:00 PM rush-hour. A combination of far too many cars and many close traffic lights can really snarl things up. Not sure if it is by design, but you can imagine the revenue generating opportunities for local law enforcement, as motorists constantly look for ways to shave seconds off their commutes.

The intersection of Michelson Drive and Jamboree Road is full of these opportunities. The straight lanes on Michelson for through traffic crossing Jamboree seem long enough, right? Not even close! Everyday from about 4:45 to 5:00 PM, these two lanes back-up all the way to Teller - making it nearly impossible to get into the turn lanes to go left on Jamboree. Further, most cars turning left on Jamboree at this time are looking to get on the 405 Fwy - requiring them to merge to the right shortly after turning on to Jamboree. This results in the outside turn lane filling up - blocking easy access to the inside turn lane. So, in order to save those precious seconds we discussed earlier, some clever drivers have started crossing the double yellow (and driving on the wrong side of the road) to enter the inside left turn-lanes.

While making a right turn onto Michelson from Teller (toward Jamboree), I witnessed a BMW cross the intersection into an on-coming lane to get to the inside turn lane. Before he came to a stop, a motorcycle cop, who was parked in a driveway to the right, shot across the road and pulled up along the driver’s side of the BMW. The fun had begun!

The driver who was yapping away on the phone did not immediately notice the officer - This incited a short blast of the motorcycle’s siren. Clearly startled, the driver lowered his window and acknowledged the officer. In a clear and direct voice (and loud enough for me to hear), the officer explained, “When the light turns green, I need you to make the left on Jamboree and pull over to the right side of the road - do you understand?”

The driver nodded and began to wait for what surely seemed like an eternity for the green light to come. When the light changed and the cars in front began to move toward the intersection, the busted Beamer sprung into action…. With a tight left turn this guy maneuvers his vehicle across three on-coming lanes!!! Using his bull-horn, the officer yells, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING???!!!”

The driver’s response? He pulls over in the far lane facing the wrong way!!!! To make matters worse, he was sitting so close to the corner that cars turning right onto Michelson from Jamboree were narrowly missing him as they made their turns….

The light turned green and I drove through the intersection as the officer drove his motorcycle up onto the sidewalk near the BMW. I think it would be safe to assume the list of citations was quite long and the officer likely had to muster every ounce of constraint to keep from unloading on the guy. So far, this guy takes the top prize!!! The ultimate dumb-ass! In ALL sense of the concept…definitely NOT A MODEL CITIZEN!!!

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So, how nervous do you get when a police officer is driving right behind you? What feelings surface when you are motoring along, minding your own business (being nothing but a complete Model Citizen) and you look in your rearview mirror to find a good ‘ole black and white on your six? No matter how good your driving skills are; despite the fact that you know you have adhered to the entire applicable vehicle code, you cannot fight-off the nervous feeling….you know this to be true! You turn down your radio, sit up straight, grab the wheel at 10 and 2 and start praying for the police officer to pass you by. This story, I believe, is a direct result of that nervousness.

As I was on my way home the other evening, I was stopped at a red light at the intersection of MacArthur and Fairchild waiting to turn left onto MacArthur. As I looked to the left, I noticed a car moving rather slowly to the North on MacArthur in the right-hand lane. As the car approached the intersection, it moved into the left lane. It was at this point that the police motorcycle (depicted as a car in the picture) came into view, slowly trailing the car with lights flashing. As the car broke the plane of the intersection, the driver came to virtually a complete stop (in the fast lane, mind you) and abruptly executed a U-Turn. Just one problem here - the intersection is clearly marked with a NO U-TURN sign! After executing the u-turn, she slowed and eventually pulled-over.

Was this a case of extreme nervousness? Was she in shock - suffering from delusions as a result of the flashing lights??? Whatever the case, not only did she likely make her situation much worse as far as traffic laws are concerned, she risked the lives of complete strangers in the oncoming cars.

While most of us would agree that nervousness resulting from being pulled-over is understandable, it is likely that none of us would condone irrational, reckless behavior like this… Drivers oblivious to the rest of the world; definitely not Model Citizens!

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I am sure we will all agree that airports are busy places… cars flowing in and out - people moving in all directions. No matter how hard designers try to make these public facilities convenient and efficient, the human factor always seems to get in the way. I am sure you have all witnessed several examples of this:

• Passengers with excessive questions at the check-in counter (as if they are the only one flying)
• Passengers in the security line who wait until they are in front of the agent before they ready bording passes and IDs (which happen to be buried in their carry-on baggage…
• Travelers at the X-Ray machines insisting “they let me bring this last time.”
• People at the baggage claim who place their six oversized bags right in front of the conveyor as they wait for their small duffel (blocking access to the rest of the luggage for 5 yards in either direction).

So, this morning I witnessed a new one to add to the ever-growing list of airport insanities. The curb-side box-in!

I dropped my girlfriend at the John Wayne Airport this morning (SNA) - a relatively small airport that serves as an Orange County alternative to making the trek to the much larger LAX. Traffic at the terminal was steady but not too congested - it looked like curb-side check-in was going to be a relatively easy task… I pulled into the unloading zone (see the green car in the linked illustration) Curb-side Approach

I helped her with her luggage, kissed her goodbye and jumped in the car pleased with the ease of it all - an easy exit was just moments away. Suddenly, a car pulled into the space behind me (only temporarily mind you), around my driver’s side and stopped slightly ahead of me in a double-parked position (see the black car in the linked illustration) Airport Box-in

So, this aero-idiot takes it upon himself to box me in - forcing me to back-up and merge into the steady flow of traffic at a 90-degree angle. Not sure why the space behind me was not suitable, or why he didn’t pull up farther to allow me some space to get out. At least this time it wasn’t a Mercedes (Mercedes owners are probably getting a little sensitive with all the uber-bashing)… No, this was an Escalade - you know a Chevy nicely appointed with 22″ wheels and the skin of four to five cattle that had no idea they would serve such a lofty purpose as to provide comfort for some idiot’s ass.

So - plainly stated - double parking at airport curb-side check-in zones is in no way Model Citizenship!!! Thanks for reading!

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